Lifestyles

There are so many lifestyles that appeal to me.

For example, I could be a housewife. Like a wealthy, get a manicure every few days, lunching, shopping, gossiping lady.

Or I could be an independent woman in a city, working all the time, drinking fabulous martinis, and working out.

I could move to the country, be a schoolteacher, marry a lumberjack, and have 9 kids.

I could open my own business, somewhere near my family, get married, have kids, lead a predictable life. I'm not sure what's so wrong with that... other than boredom.

I could be a vagabond, working odd jobs and moving with the seasons.

I could become an eternal student, getting several degrees in very specific subjects and use a couple of them.

I could work my hardest to find an excellent career, like with the Food Network or an interior designer or a publishing house or a glossy magazine. But what if that's not what I really want?

Being scared of making the wrong decision is what leaves me standing in the center of endless spokes of imaginary roads. Looking at Bear, wondering if he'll make the journey. If he wants to, if I want him to. It's so easy to get into a niche here. Not having to search too far for friends means I'm friends with a lot of people who aren't anything like me. It's like, well, these people are already here. Might as well hang out with them.

Why is it so hard for me to figure out what will make me happy?

I think the solution is to just go for it. Make a decision. If it's the wrong one, change it.